Reading the Signs

A Dating Tip for Men

Boldness is a good quality to have in making a new contact.  Stepping outside of your comfort zone isn’t always easy, but the benefit of overcoming fears to introduce yourself may very well lead you down the path toward making a new acquaintance.  If all the signs then look good, perhaps it could go farther.

But there’s a context to such boldness in new connections.  Just as fear can keep you from making a contact, over-assertiveness can hinder development of a relationship or stop any future potential dead in its tracks.

When you’re making a new contact or venturing into the area of asking someone on a date, remember this key truth:  At that point, only you know what you are up to.  The other person does not.  They do not yet have the luxury of insight into who you are as a person or of your intentions.  In fact, they may not know anything about you at all.  With your desire to connect comes an important responsibility:  You must build a connection over time that both puts the other person at ease and establishes an appropriate baseline of trust.  In other words, you can’t just ask someone out that has not had the time to appropriately to get to know you.  To try to do so is to errantly expect a heartfelt response that is based on little more than appearance and surface qualities.  At minimum, such behavior can be off-putting.  At worst, it can come across as creepy.

But, you may say, “She gave me signals.  She smiled and casually touched my arm.”  So what?  People do that all the time.  A friendly gesture alone does not immediately imply interest in anything more than a sociable contact.  Potential interest in dating is signaled by many factors, but it almost always begins with a degree of mutual understanding and trust.  That may take a while.

Look, guys, there’s not a wise woman in the world who will agree to going out with someone they know nothing about or with whom they don’t have some sort of connection.  Being a gentleman of integrity means recognizing there is another side to the relationship question, one that is not yours.  Allow her to get to know you in a context of safety and security.  Be appropriately bold, certainly, but also be respectful and mindful.  That’s is one of your jobs in the relationship.  Take the time to do it right.

Mark Bradberry

September 12, 2022