Dating at the Holidays: Gifting

Dating around the holidays can be a bit awkward, particularly if you’re just connecting or haven’t dated the special someone for very long.  Should you give a Christmas gift or not? 

Relax.  Whatever you may choose to do, it’s not the end of the world.

If you’re only just meeting or beginning to see someone but aren’t yet deeply serious or committed, there are natural social questions of whether to exchange gifts at Christmastime and how much to spend.  Every dating situation is unique, so use your best judgment.  There aren’t any hard-and-fast rules.  But, here are some guidelines based on tried-and-true principles and some personal experience:

First of all, remember that gifts are expression of the heart.  It’s not about obligation or compulsion.  Rather, it is your choice.  So, give a gift if you so desire, and do it cheerfully.  It serves as a gesture of interest, care, and potential affection.

That being said, Christmas is the season for giving, after all, so the gesture is certainly appropriate and not at all surprising.  For someone with a love language of Gifts, it may be particularly meaningful.

For a first meeting (or casual early dates), little, if anything, would be reasonably expected in terms of gifting.  After all, you may not really yet know each other well enough, but only you know your particular circumstance.  Given the season, though, consider a small gesture like a little box of chocolate, a single rose, or even a Christmas ornament or a special activity.

What if you’re already seen each other more than a few times and are interested in continuing with more?  Again, gifting is at your discretion, but more time spent together certainly builds more of a case for gifting.  Gifts need not be expensive or even particularly symbolic, but the gesture itself would quite likely be appreciated.

If you decide to give a gift, be mindful that the other person may not.  There are all sorts of reasons for a different perspective.  Bottom line:  It’s your choice, but be mindful of the message you send with the gesture or lack thereof.  Don’t give with strings attached.  Likewise, if you decide not to gift but the other person does, be gracious and appreciative.

And if you’ve been dating the same person for a long time?  Chances are you’ve already figured this out. 

The best advice, however, is simple and straightforward:  If in doubt, get on the same page by communicating openly and honestly.  There’s nothing whatsoever wrong with simply laying it out there early by asking, “It’s Christmas.   Would you like to exchange gifts?”

Whatever you do, keep in mind that your thoughtfulness, consideration, and generosity—whether a tangible gift is involved or not—are valuable character traits and help lay a foundation for a strong and healthy relationship.

Merry Christmas, and Happy Dating!